living life
I met up with friends on St. Patrick's Day - and one them was actually just some guy that went to college with me, and was a few years behind me, and we never really knew each other except to say "oh, yeah, you were a (instrument) player".
(Although now we have spent several hours together, and will probably get together for music stuff in the near future thanks to our mutual friend).
I didn't just go to college - I went to a conservatory of music. I started playing tuba at age 12, and around age 14 started getting a little serious about music, and by age 15 I knew exactly what I wanted to do with life, and I fully expected that by this time (age 30) I would be a performing, sometimes-teaching, tuba-playing fool.
As the Smithwick's and our conversation flowed on St. Paddy's day, we talked about how our particular conservatoy of music (and probably lots of others) kill something in your musical creativity and development. So many students drop out completely, or transfer away, or at least change their major. (We call ourselves "ex-cons". I changed my major for these very reasons).
It can take several years to find yourself happy with playing music again, in situations you enjoy and find at least a little lucratively satisfying as well.
As you wind down this life path, you find yourself with some weird day job that you may or may not care much about - the steady paycheck and health benefits keep you there; that day job allows you to play music.
I realized that we all tell ourselves this- we are all on some level accepting of the reality that it's just easier and in several ways smarter to have a day job and benefits. But we are all also kidding ourselves when we think that we're okay with it - that we will be happy doing it for 40 years while we just do some music on the side.
I wonder at what point I'll finally break, and have to just take a giant plunge, and dedicate myself 100% to music. I know that when I do that, I'll be happier than ever, and probably poorer than ever, and I'll wonder why the hell I waited so long. Maybe I'll hold out until retirement, and have enough in my 401(k) to have made the waiting worthwhile.
(Although now we have spent several hours together, and will probably get together for music stuff in the near future thanks to our mutual friend).
I didn't just go to college - I went to a conservatory of music. I started playing tuba at age 12, and around age 14 started getting a little serious about music, and by age 15 I knew exactly what I wanted to do with life, and I fully expected that by this time (age 30) I would be a performing, sometimes-teaching, tuba-playing fool.
As the Smithwick's and our conversation flowed on St. Paddy's day, we talked about how our particular conservatoy of music (and probably lots of others) kill something in your musical creativity and development. So many students drop out completely, or transfer away, or at least change their major. (We call ourselves "ex-cons". I changed my major for these very reasons).
It can take several years to find yourself happy with playing music again, in situations you enjoy and find at least a little lucratively satisfying as well.
As you wind down this life path, you find yourself with some weird day job that you may or may not care much about - the steady paycheck and health benefits keep you there; that day job allows you to play music.
I realized that we all tell ourselves this- we are all on some level accepting of the reality that it's just easier and in several ways smarter to have a day job and benefits. But we are all also kidding ourselves when we think that we're okay with it - that we will be happy doing it for 40 years while we just do some music on the side.
I wonder at what point I'll finally break, and have to just take a giant plunge, and dedicate myself 100% to music. I know that when I do that, I'll be happier than ever, and probably poorer than ever, and I'll wonder why the hell I waited so long. Maybe I'll hold out until retirement, and have enough in my 401(k) to have made the waiting worthwhile.
posted by Silver Turtle at
8:43 PM
1 Comments:
Ditto with art...I knew my passion and my purpose early in life, when everyone else was taking career tests and all, I knew I wanted to be an artist. So now I am...so what... Some years back when I was bartending (day jobs sometimes moonlight as night jobs), this Cosmopolitan drinking woman said to me: "Why do middle class kids get such esoteric degrees?"
Why indeed. My first impulse was irritation, but I've thought about the question a lot since then. The best that I can come up with is that those of us with peasant roots have a heightened appreciation for individual joys. We don't need to be entertained. We don't need to be romanced. We can create our own art, our own music, our own history, and find fulfillment. Somewhere in the "education process" we stop appreciating the joy that our art and music once gave us and we buy into the Puritan/Capitalist mentality of seeking ways to whore our art or our music. "If we're not making dough at it, then we're not taking it seriously." The mere fact that we have the opportunity to create art or create music is evidence of the opportunities of our culture. Yes, the day job sucks...sucks hard sometimes, but would you rather exist never knowing the joy that creating art or music can bring?
I think us peasant kids study esoteric topics because we've been indoctrinated with Capitalist tendencies and we eventually reject what we once loved because we no longer recognize it in thigh-high stilettos, bustier, and teased hair.
Rejoice in your day job, play music in your head at all times, and seize & love the opportunities to create music or teach. Reject the idea that you're not serious if you're not profitting. I've always referred to you as my "friend who is a musician," not that we require affirmation from others, but I have full confidence that at your core, you are who you were ten and twenty years ago.
Sorry for the long comment...
By
Helen, at 7:16 PM
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