1st year psych

Today is an exceptionally sunny day for a January in Ohio. Which made me want to spend part of it lulling about outside with Silver Turtle Boyfriend (done) and then creating - first in blog format (present) and then some music (up next).

Which got me wondering about Seasonal Affective Disorder - basically when you're depressed in the winter or other times with lack of sun. I've suspected before that I have this, and the obvious answer is to just move to L.A. already. After reading through that overview I think I might have a mild version of it, my moods definately mirror the weather. At least I know not to move to the Pacific Northwest, despite it's beauty.

Then, because I've also been reading lots of Calvin & Hobbes, my mind wandered to ADD/ADHD. I have pretty strong feelings about ADHD and it's prevalence today.

When I was a little kid, I was diagnosed as "hyperactive" (that's the old-fashioned term for ADHD). This wasn't a common diagnosis, especially since I'm a girl... way back in those days (the 1980s to be precise) the hyperactive kid was the one boy in your class who was always in trouble. (Here's a little about the gender gap in ADHD kids - interesting how conditioned we are at a young age to fit into our gender roles.)

My mom was determined that her little girl wasn't going to go through life dependent on drugs. So she turned down the doctor's recommendation of Ridalin. Good old fashioned punishment kept my behaviour controlled most of the time. And, as you can read in the article about gender, I learned to mask a lot of my ADHD behaviours. What can I say - my mom stuck to her punishments (which, as an adult, I wholeheartedly support) - and I didn't want to be punished. Interesting that I fit into gender roles at the age of 5, even though I would scream about my brother (9 years my elder) being allowed to do things I wasn't "because he was a boy". (A born feminist!).

Like most girls with ADHD, I did well in school and most of my teachers loved me, but I never applied myself too much. Except music, some of which came naturally to me, and the rest from a desire to improve. But as a former prof of mine described it, music requires you to simultaneously think about and perform sound: dynamics, count(math!ugh), control your instrument through breathing, fingering, etc., pay attention to a conductor, listen and adjust to those around you, and do this all within seconds. It's no wonder it actually keeps my attention.

When ADHD would come up, I'd tell people, "oh, I was diagnosed as hyperactive when I was a kid - around 3 or 4", and they would universally not really believe me. I controlled and chanelled my energy. I still do - you should see how subtely fidgity I get during meetings.

One day a few months ago my mom and I were driving somewhere, and discussing schools (really, one day I am going to write about my education philosphy) and learning and somehow ADHD came up. And I blurted out, "I don't really believe in ADHD". Then I went on about how I think that it's completely natural for little kids to have short attention spans, and want to go play outside during school, and do all these things that I really do think are normal. I do believe it exists in some people. But I really don't believe that every kid these days apparently has it and their parents use it as an excuse to just not parent.

And what was my mom's reaction, after having raised me (I've been told stories, and I was what you can describe as a "difficult" child at times), a poster child for girls with ADHD? She said, "I'm so glad to hear someone else say that".

And then we discussed* how diagnosing every kid who doesn't like his/her math class with a disease shortchanges those kids who really do need the help, (drugs or otherwise). I think a lot of it comes down to personal responsibility. As a 6 year old, I was able to tell the difference between what I wanted to do, and what was acceptable during class. It's too bad that so many adults can't a)accept their own personal responsibility and therefore b)teach it to their kids.

I have a cousin (sort of) who is a year younger than me. He is severely ADHD, and has some other problems. He's also allergic to Ridalin, and has been on and off various medications his whole life, and as he got older he was in and out detention facilities and now jail. He needs medicated, he needs counseling, etc. My mom will tell you she still believes better parenting would have prevented a lot of his behaviours. And when he was/is around either of us, he's completely normal.

I'm not trying to belittle a disease that people really struggle with. I'm just sick of it being used as an excuse. Maybe there's something to the parenting and accountability.

If you're wondering, I scored a 33 on the ADHD test (scroll down to where it says "Find out if ADHD could be to blame"). "Severe ADHD".

*After having this discussion, and hearing my mom's perspective, it became pretty apparent to me that my mom is probably ADHD, too. It is supposed to be genetic. I'm sure she didn't have doctors or parents giving her an excuse to run around acting like a little hellion. It also probably made it a little easier for her to understand the way my brain (and my cousin's) works.