paradox

I've been really into photography lately. I see "shots" everywhere, even while I'm driving, now. I rarely leave my house without my camera stashed in my pocket or bag... just in case I see something I have to shoot.

So in my never-ending quest for a career I'd love (and not a job I tolerate) I considered, for about 15 seconds, photography. Of course, no one is going to pay me to wander around and take photographs just because I see something interesting. They're going to want me to take pictures of snot-nosed kids that smell like almost-spoiled milk.

My first and truest love is music. I even went to school for music. Since about the age of 14 I really couldn't imagine doing anything else as a career. Once I was in music school, though, I was annoyed by the lack of opportunities to get out and play, and the politics, and all the little things.

The reality is that a career in any kind of creative field is almost impossible. I've known that since about age 14, too. It takes an incredible amount of drive and talent and luck. I like the fact that I know I'm getting a paycheck every 2 weeks. I like having a (small-but-growing) 401(k). I like having health benefits (as expensive as they are).

The problem is balancing the need and drive to create (music or photos or whatever) with the real world. Sometimes I get so focused on something, I let everything else go. (Ok, so maybe that's a little ADD, too).

I've come to the conclusion that what I need is a benefactor, like in that stupid book Great Expectations I had to read in high school. Some stranger who just decides I need a small fortune to support myself while I pursue art for the greater good or something. So I'm now accepting applications for the position of Silver Turtle's Benefactor.